You would think that the man you have been with for 3 years and who knows the real you, would be able to comprehend why losing weight and being in a house full of not-so-healthy food is hard... HA! Fat chance no pun intended.
My boyfriend and I had an all out brawl, that ended in tears (mine). I lightly trudged upon how hard it is for me to NOT eat something swet at night, and for him to (that morning) make me the biggest breakfast EVER (Eggs, bacon, sausage, biscuits, gravy, country fried steak, chocolate iced doughnut holes, hashbrowns, oj, and apple juice) so I would have 'variety' was sweet.... But was not helping me fight my food cravings to eat unhealthy.
He doesn't understand WHY it is hard for me to be cooking for 3 other people, like philly cheese steaks because thats what they brought home, and for me to not eat it. NO I DO NOT WANT TO STAND AROUND AND COOK MYSELF A SEPERATE MEAL EVERYDAY!
He has no clue. As I mentioned before in my previous posts I have always been a very willed person, I have overcome a lot... This is so hard for me.
The eating somethign sweet at night is illing me, I tried to NOT eat something sweet, I DID NOT SLEEP AT ALL.... I felt like it, my eyes closed, I tossed and turned all night... Not thinking about it.... just.... couldnt sleep...
I NEED HELP WITH THIS.
I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO.
So I tried to reach out to my boyfriend whom has always been resourcefull, and he had no advice for me other than "Don't eat it, just go to bed, eat some broccoli" he just had no clue.
I don't know if I am crazy or what, but what the hell! Why can't he be supportive! I don't want him to go on a diet unless he wants to, but when he tells me in the begining ten days ago he would, and then he eats like crap still...
what can I do to help him understand?
Obviously my tears, and my explanations are not enough... what now?!?!?!
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5 comments:
Hi Carrie - you can only control your own eating, not his. I often cook slightly different meals for me and my family (they are all skinny, and my children are growing so I don't feel right restricting their calories). I will eat the same stuff but with modifications. (e.g. Steak for them, chicken or fish for me and we all have the same veggies. Or last night I made quesadillas, but mine had less cheese and no meat.)
At night, just go ahead and eat something sweet and fit the calories into your plan. I love kozy shack puddings, they are 90 calories... or have a single serving packet of oatmeal in a mug...
You can do it! Once you have a few weeks under your belt, it gets easier!
I can relate to the 'support from significant other' post. I have been working at this journey for 18 mo, and he may have joined a little bit on and off, and also purchased bad foods to bring in to the house when he was 'off'.
I am thankful he (my SO) is now full on, but I suspect it is not something we can really suggest they do, or mention much, Carrie. YOU happen to be there now, be ready, but as you know, you yourself probably weren't always 'open' or focused on WL & nutrition either. Your job right now is to focus on YOU, & yes, harder to do alone.
I wonder if he is in some way watching/waiting to see how serious you are about this. I suspect if he sees you being strong, he may become supportive IN TIME. No way to guess how long that might be, either, Gf, but stick it out, bc you are doing it with or without. Ya kinda have to tell yourself that, since u don't know if or when he will get on board w/nutrition. Perhaps when he sees you getting some results, then he will become interested and supportive, or wish to join you. Who knows.
Unfortunately the entire breakfast he created for you is unhealthy. I wonder if initially there is some kind of sabotage mentality w/SO's? Until he sees how serious you are. I wonder if he could handle substituting things here at the beginning of your journey. You might want to get egg whites, maybe even use with, say one real egg initially. Some turkey bacons & turkey sausages (eaten occasionally) might be a small change you both can do. And WATER!!! That one eventually becomes a fairly easy way to omit calories [or artificial sweeteners.]
Joy Bauer has a book out I have not read yet, but she helps ppl get started w/WL and initially she wants them to cut out all artificial sweeteners which I believe she says can mess w/sweet cravings. [Do you drink diet pop?] I was thinking maybe you could try blueberries or watermelon in the evenings for your sweet craving right now. They are in season and yummy and sweet. Do you have any roadside stands or farmer's markets in your area? When you change your eating, your tastes do eventually change.
Be careful about the punishing mentality, not allowed this, not allowed that, allow a substitute, or maybe just something small..[like 1 french mint. haha] But if you know that is too dangerous ground, then walk away entirely, eh? And if you blow it like you felt you did w/the candy the other day, just start from there. Start again.
Are you getting enough protein? Don't think of being on a diet, so now I eat only rabbit food. That can't last. Try to incorporate your eating correctly mentality in to your lifestyle as much as possible.
I never refer to my journey as a 'diet' either, it seems so restrictive, and maybe even temporary. For me it is a lifestyle..
I know I have been all over the place here, and a very long post. I hope there is something that might be helpful to you. Oh and re the gym...when u have joined in the past, do you stick with it and feel like you get your $$ out of the membership? I was just thinking you might want to get a pedometer and walk, or bike, or do the Couch to 5K jogging plan, exercise DVD's....other cheap methods of exercise..when you feel good about that, or see yourself successful there, (for free, or little expense) then join the gym? But if the gym is what works for you and you can afford it, then by all means dearie!!
You can make this change to nutritional eating! You are strong, you are worth it!!
Chrissy
Sorry, I see I missed a post that addressed some of my comments...Wii, market, how u do at the gym, etc.
go girl. :)
Chrissy
I have been having husband trouble the whole time I have been losing weight... The only advice I can give you is that you need to cook what is good for YOU, and if he (they) don't like it- they can be hungry or cook their own shit. That is what happened with my husband and I- after a few weeks of him either picking at the meal I made, or having to make his own he happily eats the fresh, warm food I provide for us every night. YOU HAVE TO PROTECT AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST!
If he makes a huge shit meal again don't eat it and make your own (just like you would want him to do).
Period. Don't compromise your goals for someone else- if you do it will be one of those regrets...
Carrie - you have full control of yourself (ONLY). You cannot control if he goes on a diet or not or if he chooses to eat better or not. BUT, chances are if he sees you starting to lose weight, he's going to want in. He's going to want to do what you are doing.
Just hang in there. It would be wonderful to have his support, but in the end -- you don't need it to succeed. You can make it with or without his help. You don't have to make him understand how hard it is.
You have all of us. :o) We'll root you on. Now, don't give up. Believe me, you don't want to waste the rest of your 20s being unhappy in your own skin.
www.lolafierce.wordpress.com
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