Progress

It took me awhile, and I don't think that I was really ready in May.

I guess you have to ultimately break down completely to find your truth and your motivation. I am not sure exactly how it happened...

I moved into my apartment with my Fiancee Matt, in August, moved into a larger apartment due to so many issues in October. Shortly after, I entered a deep depression to the point where I didnt feel like living was an option for me.

I decided to take a walk to think about what was going to happen to me if I didnt get out of this depression. I soul searched so to say, checked the mail and walked home. Laying in bed reading my mail, I found a card advertising for 50 volunteers wanted for a fitness study. it said no experience necessary, free of charge, you get to work out with a personal trainer etc. so I called. within 15 minutes (mind you it was like 11:15 pm) I got a call back and was signed up for this fitness study. I was starting to feel a bit better.

Matt signed up with me, although I know he did it just because it was something that I wanted to do, which is not the way that I wanted things to be. but none the less he had been trying to show his support for me on this journey.

I began the fitness study and LOVED it. The gym is a smaller gym, which granted there are not many overweight people there, but there are several, and there is never anymore than 8 people there, which is awesome! you have complete full reign on the gym and the equipment.

My trainer's name was Jason, he kicked my butt. He got me doing things I never thought I would have done. I weighed in in the middle of october at 340. the heaviest that I have ever been.

Durign the fitness study I got sick, and I did not follow a diet plan, so I ended up at the finale, weighing 344, which was discouraging, but at the same time you only got 1.5 hours a week to work out, 3 days a week, 30 minutes, no cardio, no diet plan, etc. My fat percentage dropped 2 points, so I was gaining muscle and dropping fat, so I didnt get too discouraged.

Then I joined the gym, and paid to work out with Jason again, $15.00 for a 30 minute session, I bought several in advance, best decision ever.

Knowing he was waiting there for ME, every appointment, made the accountability come into play.

He made me a diet plan, and I have tried pretty hard to stick to is, but I still have deeper emotional issues with food, so I do cheat often, but I try to keep it in check.

So Basically, I dropped in total since November 24 lbs. I have not gone to the gym in like a week or so, I am running low on sessions and want to conserve, and I got sick etc etc.

All exscuses I know.


Tomorrow I am joining a local group called "The chub Club" its a bunch of ladies in the legal field I know and their friends and the way it works is everyone pays $50.00, and $5.00 a week if you loose weight, if you gain weight you have to put in $10.00, winner takes all.

I am hoping that will be huge motivation for me, knowing there is so much money on the line. Especially since these ladies drink every Thursday night, which we all know means they're drinking their calories.

Jason is an amazing trainer, I was looking a pound a day for awhile, just wish there wasnt so many hang ups! But I will get there, for the first time in my life my clothes do not fit, they fall off!

Its an amazing feeling, I am so addicted to it.


Matt as a support system however sucks. and I finally got him to admit he was purposely sabotaging me. He was terrified that im goign to get skinny and leave him. He still brings home pizza and junk food, but when I broke down and basically told him that with or without him I will lose this weight and he will not stop me, he kind of realized that he either needs to support me or get the hell out of my way.


So now that I have gotten serious about it, and my schedule will be slowing down at the end of January hopefully I can catch back up on this!

New beginings

It has been awhile.

I guess with all the craziness I felt too overwhelmed. But I have finally had my wake up call.

I went to the doctor last year late last year, and becially I have extremely high triglycerides and am on my way to having some form of heart surgery if things don't change.

So that hit me very hard. I have since joined a gym, with my fiance (whom I got engaged to the day before easter 2010) and he has taken a better role in this whole process.

I am now making healthier decisions, and trying my damndest to write what I eat down, I need to find a format that works best for me. I have some books with different nurtitional information to help guide me in what I should be eating and how much I should be eating, so for now, I am consistently trying to make healthier choices and better portion sizes.

For example, my lunch yesturday was a salad with a cup of lettuce mix, cup of spinach, 3 oz of chicken strips, pinch of shredded cheese, half a cup of black beans and light ranch dressing.

With mandarin oranges and garlic califlower.

Salad dressing is one of the hardest things for me, I hate balsalmic vinagarette, and being that I was raised on fat filled ranch, its hard for me to let go of that, I am deffinitely open to trying new ideas if anyone has any dressing recipes that would be great!

Have a camera now, will be posting pics of the way I look now, as well as foods etc.


stay tuned!

Pure Fitness

Ok, so I am very pleased to announce that I am still doing great with food. I am making healthier meals, I even have cooked up a bunch to just thaw and go. I also researched some local gyms, and printed "try before you buy" temp passes, and to my surprise, my boyfriend Matt wanted to get a pass aswell, so we are going to get up early tomorrow and hopefully go down and try the gym out, take a tour, find prices, and actually see if we like that particular facility.

My birthday planning has been stressing me out so much! with the fact that Matt may not be able to go, he is frustrated because its my 21st birthday and I will be in vegas with my two best friends.

I plan on getting an acurate scale to weight in, because I am going to do this. I am not going to half ass this anymore.

Strides forward

I have been doing pretty well lately. I have been trying as much as possible to make healthier choices in food, and focusing on not letting my emotions control when I eat. I have even been planning healthier dinners for the others in my household whom agreed to try it for a couple weeks. This week I am going to the amazing fruit and veggie market and am going to try and find more green veggies to incoorporate into my meals. I love broccoli, but not much else... I can eat cucumber in salads or even to snack.... spinach I am not really sure about.... love peas.... cant do artichoke or asparagas, (never had them now that I think of it) But I know that green veggies when I do eat them seem to give me a jolt, so I want to keep eating the greens as much as possible. I have been looking into how many calories I should be eating also, but I know I have drastically cut what I have been eating down a lot.

This next month is going to be hectic, I have to move, YUCK, and school is getting rough.

But I do see that I am making small steps towards jumping the band wagon and getting going, which is a plus. I am excited because a lot of the junk food is out of my fridge, which means i can finally grab really good healthy things. I have noticed that whole wheat pasta fills you up SOOOO much faster than normal pastas I have been eating, and it tastes the same! I am having a bit of a rough time getting recipes together, but I guess that will come with time also.

now all i need to do is get a scale, which i think I am actually borrowing from a friend, and pick my weigh in day and start adding more time to being active!

The past few days...

So these past couple of days, I have been really focusing on trying to eat better and get up early in the morning to workout. I have been in love with this wii Active game. It has been such a great tool for me to use. two days ago, was the first day that I really hit it hard. I wanted to push myself as hard as I could, to kind of prove to myself that I could in fact do this. I did great! just two weeks ago when I tried the game at first, it was really hard, and I skipped atleast half of the exersises, this time I even ran! (In place mind you. but hey its still counts!)

As hard as it was, and as much as I pushed myself, I was more proud at the fact that I did it! I completed all the activities. in the past three days including today, I worked out twice (I skipped today because I am so sore) and finished all the exersises. It is so amazing to do them all, and know that yes, it was har,d but you did it! To put the icing on the cake, I had soooo much energy! I was like off the walls, I did dishes, laundry, floors, counters, organized things, it was amazing. I burned over 600 calories, but from the reviews I was reading online, the calories usually are double that you burn comparing to heart monitors and stuff, so that could be 1200 calories!

Yesturday I went to lunch with Cole, my best friend, and I thought that no matter what I would be ok, get something light... Man that was difficult. I am still so new at this. I did pretty decent I got a grilled chicken wrap, and ate half thats it.

Today I woke up super early and went to this amazing market in AZ. I got a cart full of fruits and veggies for $30! My mom and I went, havent spent time with her in a long time, and I told her about my goals to lose weight and better my life. She does support me she says... But she bought soooo much chocolate. She bought these french mints which I fell in love with when I was 6. I know she did not mean to completely throw that at me, but i ended up eating some. It was as if I was myself like two weeks ago, just piggin out not caring.

I am also very afraid I am going to get discouraged... I bought the biggest loser book and a special tips and tricks book, and a workout dvd by them, and plan that if my roomate is gone tomorrow then I will work out. (Lord knows I dont want to be doing it in front of him) Which is another reason why I feel that I should just get the money and spend it on a gym membership.

I was so motivated when I was at the gym. My personal trainer was amazing! and he pushed me and I lost 36 lbs. then he got a different job, and I felt... I guess like he gave up on me... no other trainer was the same, they gave in when I said I can't, he never did. So I gave up on myself...

Hopefully this time would be better.

Reasons to lose the weight!

I want to remember the way this feels.... the way that every bit of this feels. I had the most unpleasant experience ever recently... I was selected to be a bridesmaid for a good friend whom I introduced her to her hubby, so I felt kind of obligated to do this.

I did not know all that was involved with being a bridesmaid.... I mean come on I thought wooo a bridal party whoopty doo... boy was I wrong

I had never been more humiliated in my whole life. First dress shopping was madness, I was shopping with two girls that were size 2 and size 10. OH MY GOD! I was a tight 24.

How mortifying! I had to drive two hours away to get my dress. I was so mortified already and it was not even close to the wedding.And then.... after getting dressed and going through with the wedding... a website was sent out with all the wedding pics posted, everyone and even people that didn't attend received this website, even people I was in high school with! and this is the picture that just made me re-think everything, and break down into tears...

there it is... thats me all of me. over 300 lbs. god how did i let myself get this fat?

Since then... I have been so... down and so... I am not even sure how to describe it.. .I have never really seen myself as looking like that, a stuffed sausage basically... with spanx and everything!

I just.... I need to change.. I want to be healthy, I want to go to the gym, I want a healthier life style for myself. For a change I am tired of letting my laziness and my emotions eat the best of me....

It is my time to shine.

Here we go...

OK so this is my very first time doing something like this, and I am soooo nervous to do this.

I have been reading and reading online blogs for sooo long about weight loss, and weight watchers, and all the inspirational stories of people who just sat down, and did it.

I always wonder 'man I wish I could actually do that... I mean really do that, lose weight' well... now I am sick of wondering why me, WHY NOT ME?!

So my plan for the time being since I can not afford a gym just yet, I am going to watch what I eat for now, and I got a great new game called Active for the wii, which is actually a very very good program... It was a bit discouraging the first time I played it, it was harder than anticipated.... I could not run AT ALL, and it starts with a run, to get your heart going... I think the more that I focus, and the harder I try and the more I make an effort to do these things, I think hopefully it will start paying off.

So to start with some goals for tomorrow I guess....

I am going to go swimming and do some laps in the pool tomorrow, and definitely play the Wii Active game tomorrow and try my hardest to get through a full workout. Hopefully to kind of spice up my cardio routine, or lack there of since I cant do anything, the pool will be my way to ease into my weight loss. Ugh I am so frustrated with how heavy I am... I am 20 years old and the fattest I have EVER been...

I really am nervous about not having any support. As some of my friends are just 'comfortable' with being bigger girls... I am not comfortable anymore... each year the sizes go up, the less and less that I can do. Its so embarrassing not to be able to buy clothes off the rack, and when I do its at two specific stores and they are super expensive.

I guess I just....

I am so over it! I am tired of being lazy. That is the bottom line! I am for the first time in my entire life, really going to try this.

My reasons for losing weight

I want to shop at normal stores
I want to feel comfortable in my own skin
I want to know what it is like to jog, or run
I want to be able to go do things! active things!
I want to look beautiful on my wedding day
I want more than anything to play with my kids
I want to change my life for the better

So, since I got very pumped and decided to this right now, I don't actually have a scale yet... But I know I am at least 330 lbs. I have never even spoken my weight to anyone, I get sick when they weight me for the Dr. god it almost is a liberating experience.

So for my height which is 5 feet 11 inches, I should weight around 179, at the heaviest. so that is my goal... I guess my longer term goal, 151 lbs.... God I want it so bad I can almost taste it.

I should probably make a short term goal... well... I want to lose at least 15 lbs by my birthday, which is September 3rd.

I really hope to find some sort of support, and help along the way... Anyways this hopefully is the first of many of my weight loss journal entries.