Sunday, January 2, 2011


It took me awhile, and I don't think that I was really ready in May.

I guess you have to ultimately break down completely to find your truth and your motivation. I am not sure exactly how it happened...

I moved into my apartment with my Fiancee Matt, in August, moved into a larger apartment due to so many issues in October. Shortly after, I entered a deep depression to the point where I didnt feel like living was an option for me.

I decided to take a walk to think about what was going to happen to me if I didnt get out of this depression. I soul searched so to say, checked the mail and walked home. Laying in bed reading my mail, I found a card advertising for 50 volunteers wanted for a fitness study. it said no experience necessary, free of charge, you get to work out with a personal trainer etc. so I called. within 15 minutes (mind you it was like 11:15 pm) I got a call back and was signed up for this fitness study. I was starting to feel a bit better.

Matt signed up with me, although I know he did it just because it was something that I wanted to do, which is not the way that I wanted things to be. but none the less he had been trying to show his support for me on this journey.

I began the fitness study and LOVED it. The gym is a smaller gym, which granted there are not many overweight people there, but there are several, and there is never anymore than 8 people there, which is awesome! you have complete full reign on the gym and the equipment.

My trainer's name was Jason, he kicked my butt. He got me doing things I never thought I would have done. I weighed in in the middle of october at 340. the heaviest that I have ever been.

Durign the fitness study I got sick, and I did not follow a diet plan, so I ended up at the finale, weighing 344, which was discouraging, but at the same time you only got 1.5 hours a week to work out, 3 days a week, 30 minutes, no cardio, no diet plan, etc. My fat percentage dropped 2 points, so I was gaining muscle and dropping fat, so I didnt get too discouraged.

Then I joined the gym, and paid to work out with Jason again, $15.00 for a 30 minute session, I bought several in advance, best decision ever.

Knowing he was waiting there for ME, every appointment, made the accountability come into play.

He made me a diet plan, and I have tried pretty hard to stick to is, but I still have deeper emotional issues with food, so I do cheat often, but I try to keep it in check.

So Basically, I dropped in total since November 24 lbs. I have not gone to the gym in like a week or so, I am running low on sessions and want to conserve, and I got sick etc etc.

All exscuses I know.

Tomorrow I am joining a local group called "The chub Club" its a bunch of ladies in the legal field I know and their friends and the way it works is everyone pays $50.00, and $5.00 a week if you loose weight, if you gain weight you have to put in $10.00, winner takes all.

I am hoping that will be huge motivation for me, knowing there is so much money on the line. Especially since these ladies drink every Thursday night, which we all know means they're drinking their calories.

Jason is an amazing trainer, I was looking a pound a day for awhile, just wish there wasnt so many hang ups! But I will get there, for the first time in my life my clothes do not fit, they fall off!

Its an amazing feeling, I am so addicted to it.

Matt as a support system however sucks. and I finally got him to admit he was purposely sabotaging me. He was terrified that im goign to get skinny and leave him. He still brings home pizza and junk food, but when I broke down and basically told him that with or without him I will lose this weight and he will not stop me, he kind of realized that he either needs to support me or get the hell out of my way.

So now that I have gotten serious about it, and my schedule will be slowing down at the end of January hopefully I can catch back up on this!

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