Reasons to lose the weight!

I want to remember the way this feels.... the way that every bit of this feels. I had the most unpleasant experience ever recently... I was selected to be a bridesmaid for a good friend whom I introduced her to her hubby, so I felt kind of obligated to do this.

I did not know all that was involved with being a bridesmaid.... I mean come on I thought wooo a bridal party whoopty doo... boy was I wrong

I had never been more humiliated in my whole life. First dress shopping was madness, I was shopping with two girls that were size 2 and size 10. OH MY GOD! I was a tight 24.

How mortifying! I had to drive two hours away to get my dress. I was so mortified already and it was not even close to the wedding.And then.... after getting dressed and going through with the wedding... a website was sent out with all the wedding pics posted, everyone and even people that didn't attend received this website, even people I was in high school with! and this is the picture that just made me re-think everything, and break down into tears...

there it is... thats me all of me. over 300 lbs. god how did i let myself get this fat?

Since then... I have been so... down and so... I am not even sure how to describe it.. .I have never really seen myself as looking like that, a stuffed sausage basically... with spanx and everything!

I just.... I need to change.. I want to be healthy, I want to go to the gym, I want a healthier life style for myself. For a change I am tired of letting my laziness and my emotions eat the best of me....

It is my time to shine.

Here we go...

OK so this is my very first time doing something like this, and I am soooo nervous to do this.

I have been reading and reading online blogs for sooo long about weight loss, and weight watchers, and all the inspirational stories of people who just sat down, and did it.

I always wonder 'man I wish I could actually do that... I mean really do that, lose weight' well... now I am sick of wondering why me, WHY NOT ME?!

So my plan for the time being since I can not afford a gym just yet, I am going to watch what I eat for now, and I got a great new game called Active for the wii, which is actually a very very good program... It was a bit discouraging the first time I played it, it was harder than anticipated.... I could not run AT ALL, and it starts with a run, to get your heart going... I think the more that I focus, and the harder I try and the more I make an effort to do these things, I think hopefully it will start paying off.

So to start with some goals for tomorrow I guess....

I am going to go swimming and do some laps in the pool tomorrow, and definitely play the Wii Active game tomorrow and try my hardest to get through a full workout. Hopefully to kind of spice up my cardio routine, or lack there of since I cant do anything, the pool will be my way to ease into my weight loss. Ugh I am so frustrated with how heavy I am... I am 20 years old and the fattest I have EVER been...

I really am nervous about not having any support. As some of my friends are just 'comfortable' with being bigger girls... I am not comfortable anymore... each year the sizes go up, the less and less that I can do. Its so embarrassing not to be able to buy clothes off the rack, and when I do its at two specific stores and they are super expensive.

I guess I just....

I am so over it! I am tired of being lazy. That is the bottom line! I am for the first time in my entire life, really going to try this.

My reasons for losing weight

I want to shop at normal stores
I want to feel comfortable in my own skin
I want to know what it is like to jog, or run
I want to be able to go do things! active things!
I want to look beautiful on my wedding day
I want more than anything to play with my kids
I want to change my life for the better

So, since I got very pumped and decided to this right now, I don't actually have a scale yet... But I know I am at least 330 lbs. I have never even spoken my weight to anyone, I get sick when they weight me for the Dr. god it almost is a liberating experience.

So for my height which is 5 feet 11 inches, I should weight around 179, at the heaviest. so that is my goal... I guess my longer term goal, 151 lbs.... God I want it so bad I can almost taste it.

I should probably make a short term goal... well... I want to lose at least 15 lbs by my birthday, which is September 3rd.

I really hope to find some sort of support, and help along the way... Anyways this hopefully is the first of many of my weight loss journal entries.